“Life is what happens to you
While you’re busy making other plans”
Beautiful Boy, Sir John Lennon
Where does your mind take you when you find that sweet spot to decompress? For me that is obtained after the first paced first mile of a run, a few moments into walking along the Lake Michigan shoreline on my lunch break at work, ten minutes into a soothing end of day bath, or even while I’m trying to shut my eyes on the day. It’s that moment of clarity that sweeps over your brain like an ominous and abrupt fog. Lately, my mind has been prompting, more like teasing me with, “Write, Kate, Write!”
Write? About what? I help patients needing insurance apply for Medicaid often and when I do I ask them, “paint me picture of the last 30 days, that’s what the office will be looking at.” My last 30 days have been a shit show–why the hell would I want to write about that? May be its time to open up, not hide in the sweet spots I crave to calm my mind down or even seek out to find some zen on a hectic work day.
I know why I want to become more aloof, mysterious, and untransparent.
I turn 39 in about 48 hours and boy…that is hitting me a bit harder than I care to admit. I remember a family friend/cousin once telling me the “9’s” were her hardest years. It was the last year of a decade and she disliked those birthdays more than the often celebrated milestone ones.
It’s this thing we do, this image of what we think life should in our minds. I thought at this age my cravings for sweet spots would be to decompress from work, minivan leases, daycares, mortgage payments and how to be a good partner or wife. I had written my life out early in my 20s and believe me when I say I thought I had it all figured out.
They say God will humble us when we need it. I have certainly been humbled the last month; even year of my life.
So now what? When the fairytale we paint in our mind is over…where should I go?
I would have to say you go with grit, grace and humility towards the next day. Soak in those sweet spots where you mind directs and listen to that internal prompting of what your next step should be. Find what fuels that God sized hole we were all born with. Turn down an extra street, pace out another mile, eat the ice cream and all that lovely stuff.
And for me ;I will embark on writing more and listening to my inner self. We all get these one long rambling lives that are actually broken up into hours, days, and weeks to break things down.
So just for today, at 38.9895959595 I will write, breathe, and talk another walk.
This is almost 39…here we go!